23 Things I Planned On Telling You

  1. I saw this idea on someone else’s blog and stole it.
  2. I’ve had Lyme Disease.  It took a long time to diagnose. Now I’m left with pain and other issues.  But is it fibromyalgia? Or Chronic Lyme.  Who the hell knows.
  3. I thought I had MS for a long time. I felt ignored by my previous doctor. I know it’s nothing new. I was tripping and falling, numbness plus other MS like symptoms.
  4. I used to follow a few bands live.  That was when I was up/happy. I like the hippie genre mostly. Folk, bluegrass, Americana and classic.
  5. Sometimes music makes me sad and I don’t listen.  Often it’s connected to a bad memory of me being manic and overly excitable.  Instead I avoid it and listen to music without the bad feelings.
  6. I have a mail phobia.  I’m afraid to open my mail for fear of hospital bill collectors, random other things that give me anxiety.  So I avoid it.  It has caused problems over the years.  I need to work on that. Taxes…
  7. It doesn’t help that I am not the most organized person with some things.  Like bills and everything else 😉
  8. Steering in the opposite direction of my parents, I have always been a little messy.
  9. I have always thought creative people were messy.  I care more about the art than the clean up. I’d rather create something than cook or clean.
  10. Lately I’ve been really trying to overcome this.  I have several strategies.
  11. I make my bed every morning now.  It’s practically a habit.
  12. Messy bed, messy head.
  13. My husband is a work-a-holic.  He works 7 days a week and loves what he does.
  14. I’m happy he loves what he does but so much could be done at home with him here. So many home improvement projects and quality time together.
  15. He’s an amazing provider though, a husband and father. He has supported me through good and bad times.
  16. I am incredibly overwhelmed all the time. It makes me want to hide.
  17. I have isolated myself in the past and still away from friends and family.
  18. Retreating to my room is my “thing”.  I try much more to not do this.
  19. Most days I pass the day puttering around, looking at the internet on occasion, doing some laundry. I try to interest myself in TV to pass time too.  I don’t find much I like to watch.
  20. I wish I had the stamina and drive my sister has.  She tackles home improvement projects like a pro.  She works full time plus, takes care of everything at home.  She’s basically happy like that even her husband doesn’t contribute. I want energy like she has.
  21. I have only 2 very close friends plus my sister. I’d rather have a few close friends rather than a group.
  22. I get so anxious if it’s a group type thing I usually avoid it.
  23. I always think people are staring at me.  Maybe it’s paranoia?

Healing From Anxiety and Stress

The day I quit my job I started to heal. Eight months later I was on disability and being home has helped heal a lot of my symptoms. I had such terrible anxiety working (and home) I’d forget words all the time. Poor concentration, nausea. I had panic attacks at work all the time, worrying about my job performance. I’d worry after I left for night if I did everything right. My migraines were near daily. IBS had me up at night. My fibromyalgia was bad. And the bullying at my medical job increased with my anxiety. My job performance began to decline as my anxiety ramped up and my bosses were on me.

To heal, the first thing is to forgive myself for quitting without notice.
It was a panic attack and I was at the end of the rope. I did love my job for over 6 years. I also need to forgive my bosses. Let it go.

Now that I’m home the reduction of stress is so much lower. I am able to live my life without major worrying every day. My panic attacks have decreased. I’m living a healthier life without stress.


Fibromyalgia Denial

When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I was in complete denial. I did not believe in it. Not for a second.  My doctors had done every test.  They all concluded I had this made up disease called fibromyalgia.  I knew that this was a diagnosis of exclusion. They were wrong.  Dr. Google told me.

Years before I thought I had MS.  All the same symptoms were there.  My brain scans were normal. My blood work showed inflammatory markers so this to me was a REAL disease. I was really sore and painful.  I tried to convince my doctors that this had to be something else. They continued to tell me that Fibromyalgia is truly real and I really do have it.  It is pain, fatigue, nausea, brain fog, weakness, depression, IBS plus a whole host of other symptoms.

I finally got it through my head that the doctors are the experts.  Not Ms Migraine.


Champion Loser


I wish to be a champion mother.

I’d love to  have dinner on the table each night.  To be able to get up early and not look lazy.  In bed with an ice pack and another migraine.

My laundry would always be done.  No waiting piles to be washed or folded.  The house would be spotless, company ready. My dog would get a walk and I’d get some exercise.

instead its hard not to feel like a failure when you have chronic illnesses.  You’re so fatigued everything is a burden.  Luckily my family is very supportive and gives me lots of help.  But still, I want to do it myself.

Champion? It’s more like loser.






I had always been a  homemaker.  My dinner was made, floors vacuumed, laundry done.  I was a crafter to the extreme.  Once my chores were complete I would take out my project/s.  I could be quilting or embroidering or painting. I visited friends and family.  I loved shopping . You know, just like a prudent homemaker.

Today it’s different. I have fibromyalgia.  It’s an invisible illness. It took years to diagnose.  Sometimes I can do more in a slow fashion.  Fibro has a whole host of other symptoms like brain fog or fatigue, etc. The other mental illnesses that go along with fibro is anxiety and depression.  Got those..check..

The biggest deal is the pain.  I’ve tried many homeopathic remedies.  The one thing that seemed to help was acupuncture.  I was going for my  migraines which wasn’t effective. Then I noticed the arm pain I was experiencing was diminishing. I was going twice a week.

I still have hope.  I have the love of my family.  Well, and I’ve got my dog 🙂