Are You Comfortable With Your Doctors?

My two main docs are my pdoc and my GP who treats my myriad of other afflictions I have. I stopped seeing my neurologist because nothing was helping. He was helpful for ruling out MS as a diagnosis, got my MRI’s all authroized quickly.  My GP says the specialists always are that way.  (I don’t think that’s always the case).

I like my GP because she asks for my opinion and input. I’ve felt comfortable asking her about personal questions, anxiety meds, increasing a dose, can we tests for _______.  I’ve convinced her to try a couple of non-conventional treatments for my migraines after I had read about them. She’s not a total pushover though.  She wasn’t totally for applying for disability. She told me I wouldn’t have anything to do after, like a place to go to every day and I might end up feeling worse.

Pdoc seems to know her stuff.  She was more in favor of applying for disability. A couple of times I’ve mentioned a different treatment and she hasn’t been open to it. I don’t push it either because I know she knows a hell of a lot more than my doctor google degree. She doesn’t like to do big changes with meds…one change at a time kind of rule.

Since then I’ve been on disability for two years? I’ve had  a few periods of  “meh” and a couple of “ok’s”.  I had no idea it would take so long to treat bipolar disorder and I know I’m still not fixed yet.

23 Things I Planned On Telling You

  1. I saw this idea on someone else’s blog and stole it.
  2. I’ve had Lyme Disease.  It took a long time to diagnose. Now I’m left with pain and other issues.  But is it fibromyalgia? Or Chronic Lyme.  Who the hell knows.
  3. I thought I had MS for a long time. I felt ignored by my previous doctor. I know it’s nothing new. I was tripping and falling, numbness plus other MS like symptoms.
  4. I used to follow a few bands live.  That was when I was up/happy. I like the hippie genre mostly. Folk, bluegrass, Americana and classic.
  5. Sometimes music makes me sad and I don’t listen.  Often it’s connected to a bad memory of me being manic and overly excitable.  Instead I avoid it and listen to music without the bad feelings.
  6. I have a mail phobia.  I’m afraid to open my mail for fear of hospital bill collectors, random other things that give me anxiety.  So I avoid it.  It has caused problems over the years.  I need to work on that. Taxes…
  7. It doesn’t help that I am not the most organized person with some things.  Like bills and everything else 😉
  8. Steering in the opposite direction of my parents, I have always been a little messy.
  9. I have always thought creative people were messy.  I care more about the art than the clean up. I’d rather create something than cook or clean.
  10. Lately I’ve been really trying to overcome this.  I have several strategies.
  11. I make my bed every morning now.  It’s practically a habit.
  12. Messy bed, messy head.
  13. My husband is a work-a-holic.  He works 7 days a week and loves what he does.
  14. I’m happy he loves what he does but so much could be done at home with him here. So many home improvement projects and quality time together.
  15. He’s an amazing provider though, a husband and father. He has supported me through good and bad times.
  16. I am incredibly overwhelmed all the time. It makes me want to hide.
  17. I have isolated myself in the past and still away from friends and family.
  18. Retreating to my room is my “thing”.  I try much more to not do this.
  19. Most days I pass the day puttering around, looking at the internet on occasion, doing some laundry. I try to interest myself in TV to pass time too.  I don’t find much I like to watch.
  20. I wish I had the stamina and drive my sister has.  She tackles home improvement projects like a pro.  She works full time plus, takes care of everything at home.  She’s basically happy like that even her husband doesn’t contribute. I want energy like she has.
  21. I have only 2 very close friends plus my sister. I’d rather have a few close friends rather than a group.
  22. I get so anxious if it’s a group type thing I usually avoid it.
  23. I always think people are staring at me.  Maybe it’s paranoia?

Am I Really Anonymous?

When I started this blog I knew I wouldn’t be advertising it to friends and family or on social media.  I casually mentioned to my husband and BF I was writing a migraine blog. Husband was “uhhuh, that’s nice dear.” 🙂

As I began writing it became clear that I was not going to be able to not write about my mental illness. It’s one thing for an acquaintance to come across my blog on migraines but I feel completely different about my mental health.  Although I’m keeping it private, nothing is on the internet so I’m closely guarding myself. I don’t want to feel over exposed.

I love and admire the honesty I’ve read on the blogs I’ve been following. I underestimated how it would be to be able to connect with others going through the same things as me.

There are millions of blogs out there, right?  Occasionally I worry that my doctor would come across this. What do you guys think?  Has anyone ever found your blog?  Am I being paranoid?  It’s pretty possible 😉



14 Tips That Will Help Win Your Psyche Disability Case

Did you know you can file for disability without your doctors help? I thought it had to be something your doctor did for you or encouraged you to do. Nope, not the case.

Here are 14 tips that will help you.

  1. This is a long process.  You can do all of this easily by yourself free and get started right away with a social security number.
  2. Go to sss @gov.  Make an account.  You will be surprised to see all of your past earnings listed per year.  You can fill out the entire disability form online to get things going.  Honestly it will take several days to fill out.
  3. Once SS gets your electronic application they will send you paperwork to fill out.
  4. Best tip: When speaking to a SS doctor answer questions thinking about your worst days. It’s easy for us to play down our symptoms and pain.
  5. Have a good understanding of your disease/disorder.  Know which answers are right and which are wrong. For example, I played off the problems I’ve had in the past with co-workers.  I also now know that it is a problem with bipolar patients. I never wanted to admit I had a problem at work with people but it was  time to be honest with myself.
  6. Remember what you filled out on the paperwork because if SS sends you for another opinion they will have a copy of the paperwork you provided.  Therefore your answers should match.
  7. Be exceptionally honest.
  8. They will want to know ALL your doctors within the last year. Try to remember them all.  I even put down my eye doctor because I had been complaining to her about my blurry vision and had been in to see her a few times because of it. (Fibroyalgia was one of my diagnoses)
  9. Let your emotions show.  I cried all through my exam.  You don’t believe I suffer from depression?  Here you go.  I’m often like this.
  10. If you have to go for an exam have a friend or family bring you and wait for you.  They will ask you how you got to the appointment.  In my case, it proved my point how hard it was for me to leave the house or to drive.
  11. I was asked if I had gone to therapy.  I had completely forgotten how I had gone to therapy a handful of times over the years.  At first I assumed she meant had I gone recently to counseling. I choked my tears back and answered that I had gone before.  I remember her nodding her head.
  12. If you’re thinking about a lawyer, don’t (at least not yet).  You can fill out and submit your own application online easily. Social Security will request your records from your doctors.  You wont have to do that step.
  13. Answer your phone.  They may call you for something.  I don’t like to answer my phone unless I recognize the number.  Unfortunately I missed several of their calls. They ended up mailing me a letter saying they had been trying to reach me and they sent me to an independent Psychologist.
  14. Don’t panic if they sent you to see an independent Doctor. They could have just denied you but they aren’t just sure yet.

Feeling Low and Sad

I’ve been out of my Lamictal for five days now.  It’s messing with my sleep and my mood. Sometimes I can miss a pill or two of something and feel no consequence but not the Lamictal.  My mood goes low and I get weepy.  It is a mood stabilizer afterall. It’s one that I can’t miss.

I feel so depressed.  I’m having a hard time dragging myself out of bed and then I don’t know what to do once I’m up. I’m feeling so overwhelmed at my mounting chores.  I started a paining project last week.  It’s not complete.  My furniture is scattered.  I just want to crawl back into bed.

This morning I got up after taking the first dose of Lamictal last night.  I slept a little better but my mood is no better and my motivation is lower.  I have a mild migraine.  I’m sitting in my fave chair under a blanket while binging on Naked and Afraid XL and feeling sad and negative today.

Living Life Around Medication

I take a bunch of meds every night.  It’s about a handful practically. To keep things organized I have to use a pill sorter now and I’m no where near elderly! Without it I would be forgetting all kinds of pills.

Now I have one of those giant 30 day pill sorters.  It’s like a caricature of a pill sorter. One of my dreaded chores is filling the damn pill box when it runs out. I procrastinate on that so bad.

So, sometimes I wish I could just stop my bipolar meds.  I know it’s common. They often make me feel very flat and numb. I don’t feel like doing anything and mostly sleep. Abilify did it to me bad.  We kept raising the dose.  I didn’t realize it was the medication but thought it was a new part of depression.  It’s like being a zombie and just going through the motions big time.

For morning meds I just have my stimulant med for ADD which is sometimes used for depression as well.  It’s something that I never want to do without either.  It helps with my chronic fatigue and gives me a little bit of help with motivation.  I rarely forget to take it because it is so useful to me.  I recently had an pharmacy/insurance issue and I was not able to take it for a month.  I couldn’t believe how much of a difference it made when I had to be without.

Now, I’d keep all my migraine meds.  I guard them.  I’m kind of a hoarder. 🙂 j/k a lil bit. 😉 They all live in my purse and I take them everywhere. I don’t plan to be anywhere without any of them.



Work Bully

I worked in a medical office and I was bullied.  She was my new superior, didn’t like me and picked on me relentlessly.  Left me notes with comments, accused me of making errors that were not mine publicly in front of patients and staff. It took me a while to figure out she was truly harassing me. I should have went to my higher up sooner and kept her notes.

Every morning my anxiety was in full force.  Would she leave me alone today? After work I’d go over and over my day in my head to make sure I had done everything I needed to do and correctly. Anxiety on top of this can make you forgetful and distracted. I was not perfect.  It was not fun.

Ultimately it is why I left my job in a panic attack.  I had been there over 5 years. I try to forgive her but it’s still hard.  I try to remember kindness.  I’m in a better place now.

I urge you to take action if you are being bullied. You don’t deserve it and it’s not your fault.  ❤

Touch of Grey


I’ve been doing some trim painting with an opaque (ha!) grey.  I’m not a good solo painter, though.  I wanna get going on it then I peter out at about an hour. Then the damn cleanup. I always ask “when can we paint?” which of course really means ‘when is he paining’.

I am so easily overwhelmed and f’ing tired.  My sister will paint her ceilings and walls herself in a day.  And she claims she is tired.  Yeah, no kidding.

Anyway, so these word promts have been really fun. Great inspiration. They’ve really helped me jump into writing about my illnesses.  I’m not not a creative writer or a poet though once in a while it’s fun. I’ve been reading some good poetry on wordpress!! And oh, lyrics I love you so.

So yeah, that’s what I’m going to keep doing.