I’m a Little Bit Crunchy…

It’s no big mystery that I’m a lil bit on the crunchy side.  I’ll be upfront with that. Natural is best.  Breast feeder, co-sleeper, gardener, thrifter, birks wearing lady. So know you know now 🙂

I LOVE essential oils.  I just love them.  I’ve used them on and off for 20 years, long before they were readily available and quite mainstream.  I really love them in my diffuser scenting my home with natural oils known for their mood enhancing properties. I love to make blends for perfume, bug spray, car air freshners! Best idea…take a close pin and saturate the wood area where you will then clip onto one of your air vents.  Pure heaven for me anyway. I frequently use a calming blend when driving and I love to get back into my car with that scent there.

rescue

 

I use lavender or a calming blend on my pooch when he’s anxious, barking crazy at our neighbor and when I put his thunder shirt on. It does calm him.  Also, there is an amazing product out there for people and pets called Rescue remedy.  I highly recommend it. It comes in a small spray bottle or drops but I like the spray since you can easily spray it in their mouth.  It has a slight taste which doesn’t bother my dogs and seem eager to get some 🙂

My oldest is a dear child.  He comes home from work and often sits with me to chat.  Early 20’s, he has a new girlfriend whom he is nuts over.  Apparently she had some essential oils laying around and said son had some anxiety and worked nicely.  He wondered if it was just the placebo effect but maybe it actually did work!!

I said, SON, how long have I been using essential oils and praising them? He laughed and reminded me he does use tea-tree oil on my recommendation.  It was just so funny that now he might be a believer in the virtues of the oils after his girl friend made him try it. I asked him if he wanted me to pick some more up for him tomorrow. To my chagrin he said yes, definitely.

I hopped over to my local health food store and just picked up three.  I love the single oils but the blends have such a nice scent and are so well rounded.  They are also blended for things like anxiety, focus, sensual, relaxation, purification, pain.

c700x420The 2 brands I use most and have easy access to are Aura Casia and NOW brand. My blends were 12.00 but I know you can get them cheaper online. In the store you can smell the samples to ensure you actually like what you’re buying. GNC carries lots of the NOW brand oils as well but I love our little, local store.  Smells so good in there!

You also want to be sure you’re using pure essential oils by reputable brands. I don’t take the oils internally because there is controversy over the harming properties is you’re not using 100% pure oils.  I’d rather be safe than sorry. You can find lots of info online researching the best and safest brands.

There are some oils that I don’t care for like roman chamomille and rose otto. I got both of these oils for specific conditions. The rose otta is supposed to be the best oil for migraines but it made my stomach sick. Patchouli is hit or miss with many people. Everyone likes citrus and lavender!

My faves are lavender, peppermint, frankensense, orange, ylang ylang, cederwood and sandlewood.  I love patouli when I feel like a hippie, lavender and peppermint ALWAYS for a migraine.

If you haven’t given essential oils a try, please do.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised like my husband when I made a frankensence blend and use it totally helped the unrelenting back pain he was suffering from.

Ever since then he’s a believer!

essential-oils-003

 

 

Less Crazy But Fat

fatpills

When your pdoc suggests starting one of the newer anti-psychotic meds used to treat your mental health disorder, you are leery but go along with her because you feel like utter shit. You don’t ask about weight gain because you already know.

The first psyche med caused me major weight gain. I must have gained 20+ pounds in a week or two.  Now I’m up in my weight after years of thinking I had it under control.  What I think might have been happening before was that my anxiety and mania kept my weight in check.  I lost weight very easily.  I could eat what I wanted but a lot of the time I wasn’t hungry but I was running around at work too.  I took it as a happy benefit though didn’t realize it was probably mania at the time. We were looking through pictures of years past and I came upon a picture of a time where I know for sure I was manic and I was really thin. I read that some people can tell if someone is manic from their eyes.  In that picture I looked manic. My eyes look larger and a lil bit crazy maybe. Or maybe it’s just that I remember back to that time and know I was acting out impulsively and I was definitely not acting like myself.

This new med she has me on is supposed to be weight neutral but it makes me really hungry all day long.  Plus…munchies, you know. I need to stop snacking.  I need to just suck it up and learn to eat wisely again.  This is my public declaration 😉  Maybe it’ll help me stay true.

 

 

On Medications, Gardening and Life Lately

Aaah, I’m really starting to feel my depression lift.  I’m so thankful.  Recently we increased two of my medications and I can tell it’s working.  He’s being cautious slowly increasing and monitoring my mood as to not go manic. My anxiety is slowly creeping down as it never has before. I’ve also never been on this high of a dose of my antidepressant ever.  NO WONDER IT DIDN’T WORK.   I didn’t give him enough credit in the beginning. I wasn’t so sure the route he was taking was going to work.  And it didn’t really. But now with the change things seem better.  I didn’t think he’d go slightly alternative with my meds but I’m truly blessed I found him.

I still have little interest in my past hobbies.  I’ve been forcing myself out of the house.  I go weekly to my mum’s for the paper crafting senior group she has in her ginormous craft room. It makes me smile that I’m crafting with some retired ladies but are so nice and have been so welcoming! I know my mum enjoys it when I go and so that is a doubly good thing. My attention span is not like it used to be so I spend several hours and return home. Sometimes I go to my local thrift store. I do enjoy that and I used to love going. Nowadays I’ve just strolled around not looking for anything specific but just seeing what’s there and trying to enjoy myself out of my house.

I really think the weather has helped me too.  Being out in the sunny weather, if only for short periods of time seems to make me feel better. I will have to stay alert for signs of reoccurring depression once the cold weather starts up again.  I didn’t realize it affected me.

I’ve been spending time in my garden, sometimes weeding a little.  Often deadheading the spent blooms. I’ve planted a few new lavender plants and a few others I’ve got on sale at Lowes. Love lavender. I have some lilies to plant (also sale!) which will wait til the husb works outside with me. I feel like I should be doing more.

Self care…not great.  Weekly showers-check, sleeping in my clothes-check, wearing said clothing more than a day-check. I know I’ve got a way to go but I’m feeling like me and better than I have in so long.

 

Are You Comfortable With Your Doctors?

My two main docs are my pdoc and my GP who treats my myriad of other afflictions I have. I stopped seeing my neurologist because nothing was helping. He was helpful for ruling out MS as a diagnosis, got my MRI’s all authroized quickly.  My GP says the specialists always are that way.  (I don’t think that’s always the case).

I like my GP because she asks for my opinion and input. I’ve felt comfortable asking her about personal questions, anxiety meds, increasing a dose, can we tests for _______.  I’ve convinced her to try a couple of non-conventional treatments for my migraines after I had read about them. She’s not a total pushover though.  She wasn’t totally for applying for disability. She told me I wouldn’t have anything to do after, like a place to go to every day and I might end up feeling worse.

Pdoc seems to know her stuff.  She was more in favor of applying for disability. A couple of times I’ve mentioned a different treatment and she hasn’t been open to it. I don’t push it either because I know she knows a hell of a lot more than my doctor google degree. She doesn’t like to do big changes with meds…one change at a time kind of rule.

Since then I’ve been on disability for two years? I’ve had  a few periods of  “meh” and a couple of “ok’s”.  I had no idea it would take so long to treat bipolar disorder and I know I’m still not fixed yet.

23 Things I Planned On Telling You

  1. I saw this idea on someone else’s blog and stole it.
  2. I’ve had Lyme Disease.  It took a long time to diagnose. Now I’m left with pain and other issues.  But is it fibromyalgia? Or Chronic Lyme.  Who the hell knows.
  3. I thought I had MS for a long time. I felt ignored by my previous doctor. I know it’s nothing new. I was tripping and falling, numbness plus other MS like symptoms.
  4. I used to follow a few bands live.  That was when I was up/happy. I like the hippie genre mostly. Folk, bluegrass, Americana and classic.
  5. Sometimes music makes me sad and I don’t listen.  Often it’s connected to a bad memory of me being manic and overly excitable.  Instead I avoid it and listen to music without the bad feelings.
  6. I have a mail phobia.  I’m afraid to open my mail for fear of hospital bill collectors, random other things that give me anxiety.  So I avoid it.  It has caused problems over the years.  I need to work on that. Taxes…
  7. It doesn’t help that I am not the most organized person with some things.  Like bills and everything else 😉
  8. Steering in the opposite direction of my parents, I have always been a little messy.
  9. I have always thought creative people were messy.  I care more about the art than the clean up. I’d rather create something than cook or clean.
  10. Lately I’ve been really trying to overcome this.  I have several strategies.
  11. I make my bed every morning now.  It’s practically a habit.
  12. Messy bed, messy head.
  13. My husband is a work-a-holic.  He works 7 days a week and loves what he does.
  14. I’m happy he loves what he does but so much could be done at home with him here. So many home improvement projects and quality time together.
  15. He’s an amazing provider though, a husband and father. He has supported me through good and bad times.
  16. I am incredibly overwhelmed all the time. It makes me want to hide.
  17. I have isolated myself in the past and still away from friends and family.
  18. Retreating to my room is my “thing”.  I try much more to not do this.
  19. Most days I pass the day puttering around, looking at the internet on occasion, doing some laundry. I try to interest myself in TV to pass time too.  I don’t find much I like to watch.
  20. I wish I had the stamina and drive my sister has.  She tackles home improvement projects like a pro.  She works full time plus, takes care of everything at home.  She’s basically happy like that even her husband doesn’t contribute. I want energy like she has.
  21. I have only 2 very close friends plus my sister. I’d rather have a few close friends rather than a group.
  22. I get so anxious if it’s a group type thing I usually avoid it.
  23. I always think people are staring at me.  Maybe it’s paranoia?

Am I Really Anonymous?

When I started this blog I knew I wouldn’t be advertising it to friends and family or on social media.  I casually mentioned to my husband and BF I was writing a migraine blog. Husband was “uhhuh, that’s nice dear.” 🙂

As I began writing it became clear that I was not going to be able to not write about my mental illness. It’s one thing for an acquaintance to come across my blog on migraines but I feel completely different about my mental health.  Although I’m keeping it private, nothing is on the internet so I’m closely guarding myself. I don’t want to feel over exposed.

I love and admire the honesty I’ve read on the blogs I’ve been following. I underestimated how it would be to be able to connect with others going through the same things as me.

There are millions of blogs out there, right?  Occasionally I worry that my doctor would come across this. What do you guys think?  Has anyone ever found your blog?  Am I being paranoid?  It’s pretty possible 😉

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/exposed/

 

 

14 Tips That Will Help Win Your Psyche Disability Case

Did you know you can file for disability without your doctors help? I thought it had to be something your doctor did for you or encouraged you to do. Nope, not the case.

Here are 14 tips that will help you.

  1. This is a long process.  You can do all of this easily by yourself free and get started right away with a social security number.
  2. Go to sss @gov.  Make an account.  You will be surprised to see all of your past earnings listed per year.  You can fill out the entire disability form online to get things going.  Honestly it will take several days to fill out.
  3. Once SS gets your electronic application they will send you paperwork to fill out.
  4. Best tip: When speaking to a SS doctor answer questions thinking about your worst days. It’s easy for us to play down our symptoms and pain.
  5. Have a good understanding of your disease/disorder.  Know which answers are right and which are wrong. For example, I played off the problems I’ve had in the past with co-workers.  I also now know that it is a problem with bipolar patients. I never wanted to admit I had a problem at work with people but it was  time to be honest with myself.
  6. Remember what you filled out on the paperwork because if SS sends you for another opinion they will have a copy of the paperwork you provided.  Therefore your answers should match.
  7. Be exceptionally honest.
  8. They will want to know ALL your doctors within the last year. Try to remember them all.  I even put down my eye doctor because I had been complaining to her about my blurry vision and had been in to see her a few times because of it. (Fibroyalgia was one of my diagnoses)
  9. Let your emotions show.  I cried all through my exam.  You don’t believe I suffer from depression?  Here you go.  I’m often like this.
  10. If you have to go for an exam have a friend or family bring you and wait for you.  They will ask you how you got to the appointment.  In my case, it proved my point how hard it was for me to leave the house or to drive.
  11. I was asked if I had gone to therapy.  I had completely forgotten how I had gone to therapy a handful of times over the years.  At first I assumed she meant had I gone recently to counseling. I choked my tears back and answered that I had gone before.  I remember her nodding her head.
  12. If you’re thinking about a lawyer, don’t (at least not yet).  You can fill out and submit your own application online easily. Social Security will request your records from your doctors.  You wont have to do that step.
  13. Answer your phone.  They may call you for something.  I don’t like to answer my phone unless I recognize the number.  Unfortunately I missed several of their calls. They ended up mailing me a letter saying they had been trying to reach me and they sent me to an independent Psychologist.
  14. Don’t panic if they sent you to see an independent Doctor. They could have just denied you but they aren’t just sure yet.

Feeling Low and Sad

I’ve been out of my Lamictal for five days now.  It’s messing with my sleep and my mood. Sometimes I can miss a pill or two of something and feel no consequence but not the Lamictal.  My mood goes low and I get weepy.  It is a mood stabilizer afterall. It’s one that I can’t miss.

I feel so depressed.  I’m having a hard time dragging myself out of bed and then I don’t know what to do once I’m up. I’m feeling so overwhelmed at my mounting chores.  I started a paining project last week.  It’s not complete.  My furniture is scattered.  I just want to crawl back into bed.

This morning I got up after taking the first dose of Lamictal last night.  I slept a little better but my mood is no better and my motivation is lower.  I have a mild migraine.  I’m sitting in my fave chair under a blanket while binging on Naked and Afraid XL and feeling sad and negative today.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/blanket/