Psychosis, Ghosts and Bipolar

This past winter I fell into a deep depression.  It was unlike any other time.  It came with some other issues that frankly made me sound a lil crazy. 🙂

Ghosts.  I never COMPLETELY believed in ghosts until I saw one with  my own eyes.  It was years ago and my youngest son was in bed with me.  He was about 8.  Everyone in the house was gone.  Husb was on an overnight, kids visiting with relatives. Middle of the night.

I was awakened by my son shaking my arm and screaming at me. “There is an old lady”. I opened my eyes and what I saw will live with me forever! I saw a foggy misty woman over my bed STARING at me.  Big grey/blue eyes, long hair.  Floating over me.  I swear to you on everything I have.

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I swatted violently at the air trying to push the ghost away, grabbed my sons hand and ran into our dining room putting all the lights on. I stood there, stunned at what just happened. There was literally a lady over me looking at me.  I didn’t want to scare my son but all I could think of was ghosts are real.  Holy shit that is scary. Holy shit I can’t believe that just happened!  I said “________ what just happened?”  He said to me.  “There was an old lady with long hair”.  Gulp.

It was my grandmother.  That very night my older kids were actually visiting with her son 100 miles away. It was like she was there to see them and then came to check on me. She made it known I was her favorite.

We rarely spoke of it after because it freaked both of us out.  A few months ago…years later I asked him where exactly was that ghost? Right over the bed, over me. SMH…totally happened. That wasn’t imagined.

So now, come winter, some 10 years later I cannot sleep without thinking about this ghost. I’d wake up and look around (still do).  I’d be scared if my husb had to do an overnight. I will not sleep on my back.

I brought this up to my pdoc recently.  I asked if what had happened to me, being terrified of a ghost and trying to sleep was psychosis.  He said it was.  Loss of contact with reality is the definition of psychosis.

I seem to be better now with some changes in medication. I still think about it but I’m not scared to sleep anymore, except for on my back.

But…I can still see her blue gray eyes staring at me in this weird misty fog and I will never forget there is way more out there than we know.

 

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2 thoughts on “Psychosis, Ghosts and Bipolar

  1. There is more to life than we are able to understand. We are not meant to know all in this life. I believe you saw what you saw. I have been visited by my mother who passed away a year ago, and my father visited me the night he passed in 2011. As one who is also bipolar, I know we seem to feel things very deeply. I know I do. Soo … thanks for sharing this wonderfully vivid true story !! Jan

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