It’s Sunday and I woke up as usual. I was dreading getting up because of this thing I feel in the morning of having no motivation and drive. It is such a weird feeling that I’ve never felt before in my life. I changed my prozac to the am and took my adderall. I thought maybe taking the prozac in the daytime would help somehow with my munching out. The half life is long so maybe it makes no difference.
Part of my dread is feeling like I should be keeping a spotless home. I’ve never been a person who loves to clean and organize. So the home keeping is a struggle. I’d rather do many other things before it but now I don’t have anything to do. I’d rather go out to my moms or sisters or one of my standard little shops I like to visit. I’d rather escape it.
I don’t know if it’s because I”m not working? You would think I could find plenty to do without having to go to a job. I did try a part time job this past fall and it lasted 3 months. I was having panic attacks and it was just too stressful. Mind you it was a simple receptionist position. My friend is the owner. I left her giving her no notice when I family emergency took me to Florida. I was away for 10 days and I kept dreading having to go back there after so many panic attacks.
Nobody really felt like I should have taken the job. I’m on disability now. A job can sometimes screw with that…your ability to work or hold down a position. My mom, sister and husband all questioned me asking if it was a good idea. So on the way home from Florida I emailed my friend and told her that I was under too much stress and my therapist thought it was best to leave the job. Big sigh of relief. She was amazing and told me she had absolutely no hard feelings.
Anyway, now I just texted my sister asking her if she wanted to go do a couple of little things and she said “Neah”. Drives me crazy. She offered for me to come over which is an open invite anyway. She asked me if I wanted to make something. She’s been building furniture and etc lately out of salvaged wood. She is literally….amazing. SMH.
So, this post is brought to you by the daily prompt…..savage. I read it as salvage. 🙂
Who reads my drivel anyway.