Bipolar Diagnosis….Relief

One day my sister said something that hurt me to my core.  You must be a really unhappy person.  I said I don’t think so.  I said I’m not always sad. I have good times too.

HELLO bipolar.  Ding ding.

This lead to a formal diagnosis.  When I found out that I really did have bipolar disorder it was such a relief.  It had a name.  I wasn’t crazy (well I was…) but all my symptoms, acting out, impulsivity, depression, extreme anger all fell into the diagnosis of bipolar. And there is treatment for it.  Now that we know exactly what the hell is wrong with me we can find something to make me feel better.  I just didn’t know how long that would be.

I didn’t realize that bipolar would be lifelong struggle.  I thought that once treated you’d be good! Perfectly new! Maybe I’d have some bumps looking for the right medication but then things would be fixed. It would be able to be managed.

Since I’ve been diagnosed I’ve still suffered from the worst bout of depression I’ve ever had. The mania has been gone mostly except for a bit of hypomania at times.

Now I know it’s a delicate balance between mania and depression.  Can’t get too happy…..don’t wanna get too sad.  Depression always follows mania. I’m beginning to see the light.




6 thoughts on “Bipolar Diagnosis….Relief

  1. It is absolutely a relief to have a name for the crazy ways I think and behave. It gives me something to research and refer to, and it gives me a way to get the help I need with a doctor. Most importantly, it gives me a way to talk to people who are like me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Knowing your diagnosis is half the battle … you know what is what … and … it is what it is !! I choose to say my rapid cycling bipolar is a gift. I can feel things so deeply and intently. I understand others and have more compassion because I’ve been so very down and so very manic … within the space of a day or less !! Find some NAMI meetings … I finally found a place there where I finally felt people understood me. Tell others your story. Don’t hide your diagnosis … be honest and forthcoming … it goes a long way and others will know how brave you are to share. Anyway … these things I have lived and some of my suggestions may help you. At any rate, be gentle with yourself. You are definitely not alone !! Jan

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  3. I know a lot of people with bipolar disorder that said their diagnosis was a relief. I, on the other hand, basically told my psychiatrist to shove it up ** when he told me. Believe it or not, 15 years ago when I was diagnosed I didn’t even know what it was. I knew depression and anxiety, but I had little insight into my manias. I thought they were just me. My current psychiatrist even said he thought hypomania was my baseline. I have bipolar type 1 so I did become manic and manic w/mixed features, but in the beginning I was still oblivious.

    I guess I finally accepted the diagnosis after I really got myself in trouble, but it took a lot of loses and bad predicaments in my life to get to that point.


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