Turning In My Nursing Badge


I still look back almost two years later and wonder what set me adrift in my nursing career.  Looking back now I know that I was manic or at the very least highly hypo manic.  I was paranoid.  I was worried I’d lose my job. I had very rapid thoughts and speech.  Two weeks before I quit, I was praying out loud to God during hikes.

During this time my ADD medication was no longer working. I was making small errors at work. I saw my GP and had asked for an increase in dosage because in my mind I was so scattered. I’m sure the stimulant med was making my symptoms worse but at that time we didn’t know I had bipolar disorder. I never even considered it could even be anxiety. My mind raced all day every day. I never even considered stopping it because to me when I started this medication it was a life changer for me.   To me, this was a concentration issue.

Bipolar disorder did me in and being bullied was what set me down the path of no return. My final panic attack was the nail in the coffin.  Although I’m still in a depressive phase, I am physically healthier that when I was working.

I am so grateful to be able to stay home now.  Being awarded disability was the single best thing I could have done for my health.






5 thoughts on “Turning In My Nursing Badge

  1. I also have a nursing degree, actually, two. And I worked as a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner. I enjoyed reading your blog today. i assume you found mine on the “adrift” prompt. I will tell you this story, a long time ago, I had a guidance counselor who asked me “what would be the worst thing that could happen?” I have always remembered it. Gifted with a perfectionist personality and generalized anxiety disorder, I have had to ask myself that question at several points in my life. So, what if you aren’t anonymous? What is the worst thing that could happen? Someone knows how you suffer and that you are writing about it? Someone judges you? I think we all want to avoid being judged but also unfairly judge others in our daily lives, even if we don’t mean too. Is writing about your bipolar disorder helping you? If so, then don’t worry about being found out. You are doing something constructive to help yourself and possibly someone else. Keep writing. You are as anonymous as you want to be.

    Liked by 1 person

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