When my youngest babe was beginning kindergarten I started to get really anxious about what I was going to do when he went to first grade. I had been home with my kids for 10 years and I knew that it would be difficult to find someone who would hire me and something that paid decent.
About this time my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (doing awesome now). My sister encouraged me to go to nursing assistant school with her. We both passed the class but she never did look for a job. Always makes me chuckle. It wasn’t for her. Nursing assistant work is hard.
I began working as a nursing assistant and then decided I was going to go to nursing school. Remarkably I was accepted but soon found out that working (part time!) and going to school was not for me. I was struggling at home to accomplish what I needed to do but with my job I couldn’t hack it. As per usual, I was living with migraine headaches. I left my job to focus on school only.
I don’t know how I got through nursing school. Looking back I think I was highly manic. I struggled with anxiety which I thought was A.D.D. Probably both mixed together.
I got a job as a nurse right away and while I liked it, it was odd hours and I was a big ball of stress from working full time, being a new nurse and trying but failing at my home life. I couldn’t get it together.
At this time I started to have symptoms of leg weakness. My leg would twitch for hours, it would tremble and ache. I was convinced I had MS. I thought there was no treatment for MS anyway so might as well wait it out.
After two years I took a “less stressful” job at the office. My leg thing became worse. I was not able to get up from a sitting position without using my hands as leverage. I was tripping a lot, falling (which I still do). I began having a burning pain. I complained to my MD but she wasn’t any help. I remember her looking at me with a confused look on her face. I had some very elevated lab results so something was going on.
At this time she decided to close her office I found a new GP who was looking into things more thoroughly. She told me I had every Lyme symptom and wanted to test for Lyme. I knew it wasn’t Lyme. MS I told her. Send me to an MS specialist.
I was positive for Lyme Disease. It had gone undetected for way too long. A lot of antibiotics. I still have chronic pain from it. I still wonder if my cognitive skills were from the Lyme verses anxiety/stress.
I don’t regret pursuing my nursing career. It was a good go while it lasted. I enjoyed it, just not the extreme anxiety my body reacts to. I don’t believe I will ever go back to it. I don’t feel safe with my cognitive skills lacking. I know the stress will run havoc on my body.
I still I call myself a nurse. I earned it. My body just couldn’t hack it.