Depriving My Children of Luxury Vacations

Image result for travel clip artI’ve often worried that my children were lacking something for not getting grand vacations every year. There hasn’t been European travel, tropical locations or cruises. Or lake house or beach homes. We’ve been to Disney once. Nobody was too excited at the time. My daughter readily admits to being angsty and wishes more than anything to go back to Disney now that she’s an adult.  I wish I could do it again before everyone is married but in the mean time being on disability means we have to let go of things.

I don’t know where I get the vacation inadequacy.  My parents never really took us anywhere for vacations either and I’ve never really thought much about it at all. I am just fine and don’t feel like my childhood was less than great.  We took day trips here or there and once we drove to visit friends in a few states over.  Now that my brother and I are grown my parents have done more than a little traveling and they don’t feel guilty about it. Certainly they shouldn’t.  They’ve earned their retirement.

Image result for vacation  clip artMy husbands family went camping every summer.  They were both teachers with the summers’ off meaning month long trips all over the US. There are funny stories about taking a cat one year and the family getting caught in some rapids with the cat in a canoe.  There was a scorpion sting that was especially memorable.  Fun times 😉

A month is a long time for a camping trip in my opinion, though!  Especially with three boys. All the packing and clothes and supplies. I can imagine boredom setting in, the fights.  But what an education they got traveling, besides learning all of their camping skills. They learned to entertain themselves, thus developing a deep love to read. Funny enough my husband is the only one of his siblings to still camp to this day. Also, I don’t wanna brag by my husband is the smartest person I know. =)

We’ve camped for vacations since my kids have been babies. They’ve grown up with it and I take for granted all the wonderful memories made then. What I need to remember is that those memories are just as good as the memory of a fancy vacation. They got to bring friends, hang at the lake, bike, tell secrets, make fires, s’mores.  We’ve spotted owls, went mushroom hunting, made terrariums, picked wild berries.

This year my son is bringing his girlfriend for the first time.  He was very excited to get to camp last night. She hasn’t camped so it’s new to her and he seems kind of proud to show her around. It will be fun to spend time with both of them. I’m delighted that he is wanting her to see how he grew up and showing her he likes to spend time with us as a family.

Image result for camping clip artCamping for us is not glamping.  There is no big RV.  We gave up our camper and now use tents. It makes things easier…yet harder. Easier in the way of not having to store a camper,  registering the thing.  Harder because it’s nice to be able to store kitchen ware and camping supplies in the camper so no need to pack them up.

I do bring all regular  linens.  No sleeping bags.  We do have air mattresses, a feather bed, many quilts. We have a lovely screen porch, my husband sets up a nice little cooking station. It becomes home for two weeks.

My son and GF arrived last night and it rained this morning.  I’m always afraid someone will be bored camping…especially in the rain.  I, however love the rain at night.  It’s relaxing to fall asleep to the sounds. I don’t mind reading or napping while we wait it out. She just told me she brought her jewelry supplies and she wouldn’t be bored in the rain. Perfect, just the kind of girl I like 🙂

They just got home from a vacation with her family at a lake house.  When I texted him I was jealous but I still like camping better I was delighted he said he did too! ❤


I’m a Little Bit Crunchy…

It’s no big mystery that I’m a lil bit on the crunchy side.  I’ll be upfront with that. Natural is best.  Breast feeder, co-sleeper, gardener, thrifter, birks wearing lady. So know you know now 🙂

I LOVE essential oils.  I just love them.  I’ve used them on and off for 20 years, long before they were readily available and quite mainstream.  I really love them in my diffuser scenting my home with natural oils known for their mood enhancing properties. I love to make blends for perfume, bug spray, car air freshners! Best idea…take a close pin and saturate the wood area where you will then clip onto one of your air vents.  Pure heaven for me anyway. I frequently use a calming blend when driving and I love to get back into my car with that scent there.



I use lavender or a calming blend on my pooch when he’s anxious, barking crazy at our neighbor and when I put his thunder shirt on. It does calm him.  Also, there is an amazing product out there for people and pets called Rescue remedy.  I highly recommend it. It comes in a small spray bottle or drops but I like the spray since you can easily spray it in their mouth.  It has a slight taste which doesn’t bother my dogs and seem eager to get some 🙂

My oldest is a dear child.  He comes home from work and often sits with me to chat.  Early 20’s, he has a new girlfriend whom he is nuts over.  Apparently she had some essential oils laying around and said son had some anxiety and worked nicely.  He wondered if it was just the placebo effect but maybe it actually did work!!

I said, SON, how long have I been using essential oils and praising them? He laughed and reminded me he does use tea-tree oil on my recommendation.  It was just so funny that now he might be a believer in the virtues of the oils after his girl friend made him try it. I asked him if he wanted me to pick some more up for him tomorrow. To my chagrin he said yes, definitely.

I hopped over to my local health food store and just picked up three.  I love the single oils but the blends have such a nice scent and are so well rounded.  They are also blended for things like anxiety, focus, sensual, relaxation, purification, pain.

c700x420The 2 brands I use most and have easy access to are Aura Casia and NOW brand. My blends were 12.00 but I know you can get them cheaper online. In the store you can smell the samples to ensure you actually like what you’re buying. GNC carries lots of the NOW brand oils as well but I love our little, local store.  Smells so good in there!

You also want to be sure you’re using pure essential oils by reputable brands. I don’t take the oils internally because there is controversy over the harming properties is you’re not using 100% pure oils.  I’d rather be safe than sorry. You can find lots of info online researching the best and safest brands.

There are some oils that I don’t care for like roman chamomille and rose otto. I got both of these oils for specific conditions. The rose otta is supposed to be the best oil for migraines but it made my stomach sick. Patchouli is hit or miss with many people. Everyone likes citrus and lavender!

My faves are lavender, peppermint, frankensense, orange, ylang ylang, cederwood and sandlewood.  I love patouli when I feel like a hippie, lavender and peppermint ALWAYS for a migraine.

If you haven’t given essential oils a try, please do.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised like my husband when I made a frankensence blend and use it totally helped the unrelenting back pain he was suffering from.

Ever since then he’s a believer!




Edible Pain Relief

homemakerNow that I’m trying to be more anonymous I’m going to try to tell my story in a different light. Too many personal details out there make me feel exposed.  I’m so paranoid, right? You can add that to the list of my damn conditions.

Have you ever tried cannabis edibles?  My state now allows medical marijuana.  While I do not yet have a card, I plan on getting one eventually.  I look forward to going into a dispensary and getting some cookies or treats.  I believe MM is a way to help treat an acute migraine or other painful condition.

I made firecrackers once to take with me and friends to a concert.  It was a long road trip. We were traveling with another person whom I didn’t want to share with so she was unaware I was eating pot laced peanut butter crackers.

I consumed a few thinking surely they’d be weak or not effective.  A few hours later we were behind the building (groupies!) trying for a look at our band. As we waited I began to get the giggles.  I couldn’t stop. The friend that didn’t know was looking at me wondering what the hell I was laughing at.



The Weekend and Such

I was hopeful that the increase in my medication would be helping much better by now. It seemed to help when I started increasing.  Maybe my body is used to it now but I’m still getting an overall benefit.  I haven’t been though a whole bottle of it anyway, so not even a month.

I was hoping it would help with my apathy. I’m not finding that to be true.  I don’t know if it’s my depression that is causing the apathy or the medications I’m taking. But sometimes, I literally do not know what to do with myself.  I move from my computer, to the garden, maybe a load of laundry, back to computer, garden. Shouldn’t I be doing something else?  I should be cleaning my entire house, doing some dishes, taking a shower? knitting, crochet, painting?

Instead what do I do? I ordered a new phone.  It wouldn’t be a big deal except for I should have waited til I had the funds available.  I just couldn’t wait til Monday.  I guess I’ve always known that impulsive shopping was one of my vices. And I don’t have many.  But I’m one to want to take off to Target, walmart, plant stores or thrift store.  I am always looking to make my home better.  Instead of using what I have I am out looking for more. Now I know it’s part of my bipolar disorder.

Anyway, I have a new phone now.  Going to pick it up at the store shortly.  I’m happy I’ll be able to take pictures because my phone has a cracked camera.  Every picture I try to take is over exposed and looks too light. Hopefully husband wont be too mad.

Oh, I’m trying  a new migraine medication.  I don’t want to get my hopes up.  Still, it’s been several days that I haven’t had to take something for a migraine so maybe it’s working. It’s one that you have to slowly increase the dose over the course of a month. Reports out are that this med is beginning to be used for bipolar disorder and depression too. Maybe it can help my overall functioning.



10 Ways In Which I Am A Migraine Expert


  1.  Forty plus years experience dealing with migraine headaches. And migraine doctors.
  2. Yeah, yeah on the common symptoms.  I’m good with the odd-ish ones.  Smells like smoke? Continual sighing? A blurry eye or two…throw in difficulty speaking
  3. Medication tester.  I’ve tried every class of meds and many within the same class.
  4. A good knowledge of those meds as well as general knowledge of psyche meds. Pediatric meds, geriatric meds. Lyme meds.
  5. Got a few ziplocks and some alcohol?  Pour about, roughly, approximately 1/4 part rubbing alcohol into 3/4 water.  I usually wing this but like I said, I’m an expert. Freeze and whalah you have a mold-able ice pack.  You can play with proportions.  More alcohol causes it to be more gel like, extra water gives you a snowy texture. Tripple ziplock.
  6. Extra strengh, add wintergreen alcohol instead of plain or essential oil into this mix and inevitably it will seep through and scent your freezer just a little but the mint is so pleasant when you’re nauseous.
  7. Explain your headache to me and I will assess it. Where is it? Symptoms? Tension? Migraine? Hemiplegic?  Who needs medical school when you’ve got me.
  8. Are you crunchy? I have experience with homeopathic remedies, .
  9. Also, alternative therapies expert.  Aromatherapy, massage, reflexology, acupuncture, TENS.
  10. Please know that this list was in jest and I’m just kidding mostly, except for the true parts. =)
'Off hand, I'd say you're suffering from an arrow through your head, but just to play it safe, I'm ordering a bunch of tests.'
‘Off hand, I’d say you’re suffering from an arrow through your head, but just to play it safe, I’m ordering a bunch of tests.’



Let me preface to say that my very best, longest friend is a pharmacist.  I love her dearly and always trust her opinions on any med I try. I  always ask her what takes so long to fill a freaking prescription 😉 She is always there for me when I have questions.  Like when I forgot I had already taken my ADD med and I took it again accidentally a second time. She reassured me no need to call the ambulance. \

My doc put me on a new migraine med. I’ve been wanting to try this med for a long time and all of my docs weren’t willing to try it yet because it’s “off label”.

I received a call from the pharmacist questioning the directions of the script .  I told him that she sent me the directions and than i was all set.  He was adamant that he couldn’t fill it until he spoke with the doc about the directions.  Are you kidding me?  I was soooo annoyed.  WTF, pharmacist.

Finally the script was filled.  I noticed the pharmacists personal note to me as to how to take the med.  I quickly opened the bottle and took a pill. Then I read the guys note! Oops.  Half a pill, apparently.

Damn myself for being a know-it-all.



Psychosis, Ghosts and Bipolar

This past winter I fell into a deep depression.  It was unlike any other time.  It came with some other issues that frankly made me sound a lil crazy. 🙂

Ghosts.  I never COMPLETELY believed in ghosts until I saw one with  my own eyes.  It was years ago and my youngest son was in bed with me.  He was about 8.  Everyone in the house was gone.  Husb was on an overnight, kids visiting with relatives. Middle of the night.

I was awakened by my son shaking my arm and screaming at me. “There is an old lady”. I opened my eyes and what I saw will live with me forever! I saw a foggy misty woman over my bed STARING at me.  Big grey/blue eyes, long hair.  Floating over me.  I swear to you on everything I have.


I swatted violently at the air trying to push the ghost away, grabbed my sons hand and ran into our dining room putting all the lights on. I stood there, stunned at what just happened. There was literally a lady over me looking at me.  I didn’t want to scare my son but all I could think of was ghosts are real.  Holy shit that is scary. Holy shit I can’t believe that just happened!  I said “________ what just happened?”  He said to me.  “There was an old lady with long hair”.  Gulp.

It was my grandmother.  That very night my older kids were actually visiting with her son 100 miles away. It was like she was there to see them and then came to check on me. She made it known I was her favorite.

We rarely spoke of it after because it freaked both of us out.  A few months ago…years later I asked him where exactly was that ghost? Right over the bed, over me. SMH…totally happened. That wasn’t imagined.

So now, come winter, some 10 years later I cannot sleep without thinking about this ghost. I’d wake up and look around (still do).  I’d be scared if my husb had to do an overnight. I will not sleep on my back.

I brought this up to my pdoc recently.  I asked if what had happened to me, being terrified of a ghost and trying to sleep was psychosis.  He said it was.  Loss of contact with reality is the definition of psychosis.

I seem to be better now with some changes in medication. I still think about it but I’m not scared to sleep anymore, except for on my back.

But…I can still see her blue gray eyes staring at me in this weird misty fog and I will never forget there is way more out there than we know.


Must Have Meds

What current meds do you feel like you need to  you need to function?

Currently I’m having an insurance issue with one of medications.  I don’t take THAT many meds but I take some.  If I had to only be on two medications I’d make that my Lamictal and my Adderall.  Both of them seem effective for me.  Don’t screw with my adderall.

The lamictal has kept me from full blown mania. It put that switch right out. Unfortunately 🙂 I tried to wean off it myself several times but I never ended up making it because I always felt so bad without it.  I was an emotional mess and I had a lot of anger.

The Adderall gives me a bit of motivation to get things done.  Before adderall I could sleep a very long time. Pretty much all day.  It was a chronic, unrelenting fatigue.  It’s the only thing that makes a difference for me in a day to day setting.

I spent a good amount of my 30’s sleeping.  I felt like I was missing out on life because I was sleeping so much.  Sleeping my life away.  It was never enough. Even when I look back and didn’t see depression, there was still that deep ache of fatigue.

The adderall also seemed to help me at work with organizing and getting things done efficiently. It made a huge difference when I started to take it.  Over time I think it contributed to increased anxiety because it didn’t help like it did in the beginning.  Could have been a tolerance issue, too I guess. . I still wasn’t willing to give it up because it did help so much with my energy.





What To Do With Myself

It’s Sunday and I woke up as usual.  I was dreading getting up because of this thing I feel in the morning of having no motivation and drive. It is such a weird feeling that I’ve never felt before in my life. I changed my prozac to the am and took my adderall.  I thought maybe taking the prozac in the daytime would help somehow with my munching out.  The half life is long so maybe it makes no difference.

Part of my dread is feeling like I should be keeping a spotless home. I’ve never been a person who loves to clean and organize. So the home keeping is a struggle.  I’d rather do many other things before it but now I don’t have anything to do. I’d rather go out to my moms or sisters or one of my standard little shops I like to visit. I’d rather escape it.

I don’t know if it’s because I”m not working? You would think I could find plenty to do without having to go to a job.  I did try a part time job this past fall and it lasted 3 months.  I was having panic attacks and it was just too stressful.  Mind you it was a simple receptionist position.  My friend is the owner.  I left her giving her no notice when I family emergency took me to Florida.  I was away for 10 days and I kept dreading having to go back there after so many panic attacks.

Nobody really felt like I should have taken the job.  I’m on disability now.  A job can sometimes screw with that…your ability to work or hold down a position. My mom, sister and husband all questioned me asking if it was a good idea.   So on the way home from Florida I emailed my friend and told her that I was under too much stress and my therapist thought it was best to leave the job.  Big sigh of relief.  She was amazing and told me she had absolutely no hard feelings.

Anyway, now I just texted my sister asking her if she wanted to go do a couple of little things and she said “Neah”.  Drives me crazy.  She offered for me to come over which is an open invite anyway.  She asked me if I wanted to make something.  She’s been building furniture and etc lately out of salvaged wood.  She is literally….amazing. SMH.

So, this post is brought to you by the daily prompt…..savage.  I read it as salvage. 🙂

Who reads my drivel anyway.