Mornings. I just can’t get into them. I’ve never been a morning person. Working nights messed me up for a while.
The funniest thing about working nights was how I’d wake up and not know where I was or the time. Where are my kids? What are they doing? What day is it? I remember the first time it happened and since learned it’s common 🙂 But it’s not great for someone who has panic attacks either.
Working nights was interesting though. I enjoyed the slower pace though there was always SO MUCH to do…yes the night shift works! People would assume we sat around doing nothing but dozing off. Funny enough, they schedule everything they can on the night shift to take the load off days. And it was terrible for my metabolism. You tend to snack a lot at night to keep you awake. Then you go home and go to bed and never get enough sleep.
I switched to days. I did not like getting up early but I’d rush off to work. There wasn’t a lot of time to think about things….just get ready and run out. I was usually on time. Sometimes I was early. But there was no time to feel bad. I was tired, sure. But I didn’t dread it. I got to work and did my job. I think my co-workers helped too. I’d often stop for coffee.
Now that I’ve been home the mornings are such a struggle for me. I just feel so out of it I cannot explain my feelings. Perhaps it’s because I have no schedule. I have no schedule because I can’t handle it. I’m not tired. I just kind of don’t know what to do.
Once the morning moves to about 11am I’m feeling much better. It’s weird and almost like clockwork. I will then do a little light housework or something.
I take my methelphenidate as soon as i remember. It does make a difference. My morning dreads will go past 11 if I forget to take it. I do not want to live without this medication. Pretty much my biggest motivation for seeing my pdoc. I mean I need my other meds but….that’s a biggee.
Now. If I have plans and have to go out, I’m ok. I go out and forget about my dread. (I’m currently carless for the time being except weekends)
So obviously this means I need a routine and something to do in the morning I guess. Right? But I cannot motivate myself to do anything really. Do you see my problem?
Lately I’ve been getting up, taking care of my dog and then making a coffee. I don’t generally watch tv….so, see? But anyway, coffee. It does seem to help a smidge. I never noticed any kind of energy from coffee though. It never seemed to wake me up. But I wonder if there is something else to it. I’m sure there is. It seems to help me feel a little better about just sitting and doing nothing. It raises my mood I think…maybe that’s it. Is coffee known to do that? I should research it. I know I’ve heard before that it’s good for you in moderation and it probably has a bunch of antioxidants in it. I just never believe it coz it’s never sped me up.
Self care….I’m sitting here and thinking, I took a shower yesterday, no need for one today. But I know it’s probably something that would help. Yet I don’t feel like taking the time. Which I have an abundance of. :sigh:
doggie, coffee, shower, 1 load of laundry, tidy bathroom and make bed. That’s what I’m going to try.
Speaking of routines, I want to do a post about night time routines and self care. One thing I’ve been doing is using some relaxing essential oil lotion on my hands and arms. Its like I’m taking time for me. So why don’t I feel the same about other self care? 😦 It has to be part of being depressed.
During this last depression my bedroom was very untidy. I had some piles of clothes by my side of the bed. My nightstand was littered with water glasses. And I told myself that I just wanted a nice place to get into bed. So I started there. I like to have my pj’s nicely under my pillow and ready for me for bed but I’m not consistent. I have to work on this!
So routines….what are you guys routines? Anything that might help?